mply because any organized religion is based upon the belief system of a group of men (or one single man), thus rendering it fallible. Why else would there be so many religions around the world, right? And who's to say who is true and right and who is false and evil? I have come to an understanding that I did not choose to be gay, and that if God exists, he wouldn't banish me to hell for something that is as much a part of me as the color of my skin. Since I broke up with my husband, my mom has said, "I hope now that you're alone this doesn't mean you're going to start dating people." After all, the word "bachelor" is so much easier for her to say than "gay" when pointing to a photo of her kids. I respect her choices, and she loves me despite my sexual orientation, although she still worries about my soul.
However, I didn't want to lie when she asked me how I plan to spend Christmas Eve and/or morning. So, I decided, at my sister's suggestion, that I should tell my mom about Michael. A good idea, I think. I approached it by saying, "I have something to tell you 
that I consider good news, and I hope you will, too." She figured it out before I even continued. "I've met someone very special, and we're seeing each other a lot, and we're having a wonderful time getting to know each other."
that I consider good news, and I hope you will, too." She figured it out before I even continued. "I've met someone very special, and we're seeing each other a lot, and we're having a wonderful time getting to know each other."She sounded as supportive as she could, although over the phone I could hear her neck hair standing up. She asked lots of questions: "How old is he?" "Where does he live?" "What does he do?" The best was when she asked how we met and I told her, "We met through a new site called chemistry.com." "What, did you meet in a test tube?" That's funny. We both laughed at that one. I didn't go into the fact that he's the one for life, or that it was love at first sight, or any of the heavy-duty stuff. The important thing is that she knows Michael exists, and that he and I are taking it very slowly. She reminded me to be careful, as she doesn't want to see me get hurt. That was sweet.
In all, a good choice to tell her. Now, if and when she asks how it is going, I can respond with, "It's going great. We're taking it slowly and really enjoying getting to know each other." It's just what she wants to hear, and it's the truth. What more could a mother ask?
Breathe... relax... take it slow... let it happen...
4 comments:
Sounds like you had a really good conversation with your mom. I'm glad for you.
I think it is most wonderful that you are gay. You are obviously supposed to be gay, and no apology should be necessary (in a perfect world!)
I sort of sympathize with your mother. She loves you very much, obviously, but she long ago placed her faith with a teaching that condemns who you are. What a terrible conflict for her! To her credit she at least tries to accept you.
I used to believe as she does, that homosexuality was sinful, thus the unrepentant soul was doomed to hell. But when I was confronted with the conflict between the belief system and someone I love being gay, my belief system got a make-over.
You know, don't you, why C lives with us? His mother, a born-again Christian, couldn't square the conflict between her religious beliefs concerning homosexuality and her love for her son, who is a homosexual. She kicked him out. She's trying to maintain a relationship with him, trying to accept him, but similar to your mom, she just can't let the "sin" aspect go. And she doesn't want to hear about scientific studies supporting the validity of homosexuality, nor the enlightened interpretations of the Bible based on better anthropological data. I think she's afraid. Hence the term "homo-PHOBIA."
It's hard to be in love and not rush ahead. I relate.
My dad is a southern baptist preacher in Alabama. So I get the religious dissonance, too.
And am also a composer.
We should so hang out.
Called mom the other day to say hi and talked to dad for a little while. And he acutally asked how ALternaChef was doing. Baby steps. And breathing.I hear they work wonders.
Your mom sounds charming! Spouse's mom seems very similar to yours. She is very, very Catholic yet she completely accepts that her son (my partner) is gay. We stay in her house with her when we visit for the weekend. Like your mom, I'm sure she'd rather say something other than "gay" when pointing to photos of her children. Once she ran into a church friend of hers while out dining with us, and introduced us as her "son" and his "friend". Granted I would have preferred "partner", but she's 78 years old, it was a church friend - I get that.
Sounds like you told your mom as much as she should know for the time being, and when its time for her to know more, you'll tell her more.
Mark :-)
P.S. My father is a Jehovah's Witness minister so I get the whole religious dissonance thing too.
Thanks for the kind comments, all.
Java doll: glad you take care of C!
Catty Bitch: we SHOULD so hang out sometime. We could compare notes on a variety of topics!
Mark: thanks for the support. I assume you've seen the movie "Latter Days?" Was it incredibly painful to watch? Realistic? Heartwarming?
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