Neglect.

Oh, it's been a crazy summer.

I've been quite lax about the blog, failing to keep all my tens of faithful readers updated on my life. So, here is a little about what I've been up to.

My big project at work has been the creation of a dvd that will train librarians and library workers in how to use drama to get kids interested in books. The project was funded by a grant from the Illinois State Library using federal monies from the Library & Museum Association. Total cost: about $65,000. The film is professionally filmed and edited by my friend Anthony, who has his own production company. I am so excited for this project to be completed-- which should be any day now.

On the relationship front, I am not doing any dating and enjoying it. I did have a lovely afternoon with a fellow I met through Stephen's blog. We had a nice dinner, then went to see the Broadway in Chicago concert at the Petrillo Bandshell at Grant Park. Afterwards, a cocktail. He's a doll of a guy, and I was delighted to have made a new friend.

I attended a 6-week workshop for gay men called "Dating & Mating." My therapist moderated the workshop, and the focus was on determining what we are looking for in a relationship, what our realistic expectations for dating should be, and where to find the kind of men we'd like to date. It was really fun, interesting, and teeming with opportunities for making friends. This is important for me, as I have few gay friends. After living a rather insular existence for 16+ years with Jim, I am finding that I have to reinvent my social circle and create new experiences. I made one friend through this workshop who I really like-- his name is John, and he is 61 years old. You'd never know it, since he takes great care of himself and has a great youthful energy about him. He had been in a 25-year relationship which ended similarly to mine, so we have a lot in common. John is a sweetheart of a guy... I wish he were 20 years younger!

Then there was my 25th High School reunion. What a blast! I was thrilled to see some 80 people with whom I'd had no contact in all these 25 years. I felt great that I looked really good compared to most of the guys. Several of the girls told me I grew up to look "really hot." Great ego-booster, I must say! No one recognized me-- they all had to look at my nametag to realize who I was. That was the case with most of the guys; facial hair, weight, and hair loss can profoundly affect the appearance. The evening was great fun.

That's about all I have to report right now. Not terribly exciting, but busy.

What Have You Learned, Dorothy?

Or, "Fine-Tuning My Preferences."

Now that I'm single again (by the way, he still has not contacted me, and supposedly he's been back in Chicago for a week now), I'd like to present a list of "must-haves" for my future boyfriends. (These are all based upon specifically things that happened with, or were said by, Michael, a.k.a. The New Ex-BF.) In no particular order:

1. Should not have mommy issues. That is to say, he should have a healthy, loving relationship with his mother. And there should be no question as to who his real mother is.

2. He should be out to his whole family. They should have dealt with his sexuality by now. They don't have to be card-carrying PFLAG members, but his gayness should not be an after-school special anymore.

3. Should not work crazy weekend hours. Should know his work schedule. Should not claim to be scheduled from 12-5 on a Saturday, then days later suddenly claim that it's actually 2-9 he's scheduled to work.

4. Should not have large dogs, especially young dogs. I love my Bailey, but at the age of 12, he's considered a senior citizen, and behaves quietly, calmly, sweetly. I will not share a boyfriend with his fucking high-maintenance dogs. And if he has dogs, they should be trained using consistent and effective methods. And they should never, ever bite me, or my Abercrombie shirt.

5. Should communicate clearly, openly, honestly. Should call when he says he's going to.

6. Should never, ever, ever playfully bite any part of my body. I am extremely sensitive to this. Keep your damn teeth off my body parts-- don't kiss me and then surprise me by biting my lip. Not sexy. Not nice. Pisses me off. (See dogs above.)

7. Should want to go out and be in public together, at least some of the time. Should enjoy restaurants and the occasional bar. Should have an interest in current movies and popular culture.

8. Should be able to accept a complement. Should have a healthy sense of self-esteem. If I tell him I think he's cute, he should not call me a "sweet liar."

9. Should not lie about his age. What's the fucking point? Ever hear of zabasearch.com ?

10. Should eat meat. (And I mean that any and every way you want to take it.)

11. Should keep a clean home. Nothing worse than a filthy bathroom.

12. Must not refer to Obama as "the brotha" candidate. Must not use the n-word.

That's enough for now.

The "B" Word.

So, after leaving my sister's, where I enjoyed a lovely Thanksgiving dinner and games and lots of laughter and reminiscing, I headed to Michaels' place. He had called and reminded me that he had to work Friday, which meant he had to get up early. We had discussed my spending the night, but I got the distinct impression he really didn't want me to. So I told him I would come, and we would play it by ear.

In the car, I started thinking that I would definitely not spend the night. Then I worried that maybe he didn't want me there at all. But I really wanted to be with him, even if only for a couple hours. Once I got there, it was great; he did want me there, and even said he wanted me to stay. But I put practicality first, deciding he needed to sleep and I would rather not be driving back home during morning rush-hour. So we just enjoyed a few hours of bliss together. We re-connected, talked openly and honestly about our feelings, and then he said, "Can I ask you something?" I gulped. "Can we say we're officially dating?" I was delighted and relieved. "Of course! Yes, of course we can!"

"Because I really want to call you my boyfriend." Boyfriend. Oh, it had such a beautiful ring to it. We were on the same page. Then he whispered, "I am looking forward to falling in love with you." This is good. This puts it in perspective. I'm infatuated with him; I'm not in love. I'm deeply in "like." The idea of looking forward to falling in love made it even more wonderful, as I thought I already was falling in love. But that really hasn't happened yet, so I can continue to enjoy it all, taking it in, letting it happen.

So tonight's the big "Disco Ball" at Hydrate for Season of Concern. And I'll be there-- with Stephen, and AnnieGrace, and Michael. And tomorrow night, some friends are having Michael and me over for drinks, in order to meet Michael. My boyfriend.

Oh. My. God. Part 2

Okay, so we've had date two. He cooked me dinner. We watched a rerun of Pretty Woman on tbs (a good thing... all those commercial breaks, doncha know). We cuddled. We smooched. We talked. We dreamed. His dogs seem to like to me. His real name is Michael Joseph, but because there are so many Michaels where he works, he chose to go by Joseph, and everyone now just calls him Joey. But he wanted me to be different. He asked me to call him Michael. That will take some getting used to. I mean, I already programmed "Joey" into my cell phone. But Michael will do just fine.

More about him... he is a clinical psychologist. His mother is Cuban-Italian and his father was from Spain. He is 5'6, 145 pounds, with short dark hair and a perpetual three-day facial hair scruffy stubble that is irresistable. He wears cute little glasses most of the time. And dimples like you wouldn't believe.

We both seem to be on the same page. That is, enamored of one another. Seriously, is it too soon to think I'm in love? Is it just infatuation? He's all I think about. I can hardly sleep. Or eat. Or concentrate. It just feels like the "ONE." And we've talked about it, and he feels the same way.

Mmmmmmmm.....

Oh. My. God.

Okay, I'm a helpless romantic at heart. And since my relationship of 16+ years ended nearly three years ago (it was kinda over before that, but that's when the breakup became official), I've been dating. A lot. And it ain't pretty. I've done Match.com, Yahoo Personals, Gay.com (for those "I'll never see you again so let's get fuckin'" sort of dates), and finally, Chemistry.com. Now my friend Elizabeth met her boyfriend (and now husband) Arturo through Match.com, so I have seen it can work. But, Lord, the dates I had... many scary ones, lots of no-personality types, scads of guys who didn't resemble their picture in the least.

I'm not a bar person-- never have been-- and the bars seem to be overpopulated with twinks who work out 5x a week and say they're versatile when they're not. I also think alcohol can have such a strong effect on many things-- our perceptions, our self-image, our lack of control-- I just try to avoid it. Having a (recovered) alcoholic father has colored my opinion, too.

So, cut to last night. His name is Joey. We met via Chemistry.com. He had no photo posted, but I really liked everything else in his profile, so I asked for a picture. He emailed me one. A-dorable! We talked on the phone... for hours-- which is something since I absolutely hate talking on the phone. It became clear to both of us that we had to meet.

And meet we did. Last night. He invited me to come to his place for a late dinner and more conversation. We've established sensible boundaries for sex-- meaning that we both want to wait until we know each other and are comfortable with it. So I was only too happy to drive into the city (Logan Square neighborhood) and go to his place.

I think it was love at first sight for both of us. It was a magical night. Could it be? I haven't felt like this in many a year... my tummy is doing flip-flops, I can't stop thinking about him, I can't wait to see him (which I'm doing tonight, by the way).

I think I need to go take a cold shower. To be continued, I guarantee....