The Most Romantic Christmas Ever.

Christmas Eve. I finished the wrapping, watched "The Grinch" (the original animated version, not that horrible full-length film), had some egg nog, and made the easiest fudge in the world (1 can creamy milk chocolate frosting, 1 bag semi-sweet morsels, melted in a pan and poured into a foil-lined 8x8 pan, firmed in the fridge). At 9:30, I arrived at Michael's, where we enjoyed dinner-- which he had made. Roasted chicken and yummy ravioli filled with cheese and spinach. Then we sat in the living room and listened to the special "First Christmas" cd I had mixed just for us (see below).

Michael has never seen "It's a Wonderful Life." I, on the other hand, have watched it on Christmas Eve every year since 1979. It's my all-time favorite movie, and it was great fun to watch it with a first-timer. He loved it, and I cried several times during the movie-- something I haven't done in years.

After the film, we stood in the kitchen and talked, and hugged, and then I said, "I have something to tell you.... (wait for it, wait for it)... I love you." And he said, "Oh, and I love you, too." Then the passionate kiss, and the embrace, and the flood of joy and emotion. The rest of of the evening, we listened to the cd I made (again), then went to bed about 2:15 a.m. The dogs were with us on the bed, being their usual disruptive selves, but I didn't care. Every time one of us was awakened, we whispered to the other, "I love you." It was so beautiful, so heartwarming, so... right.

Christmas morning, I let Michael sleep a bit while I watched tv and thanked God for my blessings. Once Michael was up, we had coffee and exchanged cards (both perfect cards for the sentiment and the occasion), then gifts. I gave him the sweater I had bought him in NYC, a gift card to the Gap, and some of his favorite coffee, Starbuck's Verona Blend. He gave me a Gap gift card and a Starbuck's gift card. It was so sweet and simple and un-pretentious. I left to go home, take care of Bailey, and to go to my brother's for the family gathering.

My family numbers 19-- Mom and her husband, sister and her husband and 2 kids, older brother and his wife and 6 kids, younger brother and his wife and 2 kids. It's always chaos during the opening of presents; fortunately, we don't do a meal. We all bring hors d'ouevres and/or desserts and graze around the food whenever we're hungry. I managed to have a few moments to tell my younger brother and his wife about Michael (now the whole family knows), and my mom even asked me how it was going and how we spent our Christmas. She seemed genuinely interested... although I didn't share the part about professing our love. She'll know soon enough, and I'm sensible enough to edit where necessary.

My sister had drawn my name in the family grab bag, so it was more Gap gift cards and Crate & Barrel, too! I now have $150 in Gap gift cards... everyone was way too generous.

After leaving brother's, I returned to Michael's, picked him up, and we went to the home of a co-worker of his. They had invited us for Christmas dinner, and it was quite lovely. Here was this family of about 12 who welcomed us in, and we sat at the table and enjoyed a big ol' Christmas dinner. I knew I liked them when someone, during the toast, mentioned that 2008 would be Bush's last year in office, and everyone cheered. There was no judgement on anyone's part, and I felt as though they were really happy for me and Michael. We sneaked out after an insanely large cannoli cake was sliced and served.

The holiday came to a close with cuddling on the couch, kissing, and saying, "I love you" over and over. I got home about 10:30, and I had the best night's sleep I've had in a long time.

FYI... the "First Christmas" cd included the following songs:

1. "Just in Time for Christmas" Nancy LaMott

2. "In the End" Kevin McMahon

3. "Here & Now" Jana Stanfield

4. "That's the Way I Feel About You" Jana Stanfield

5. "Let's Fall in Love This Christmas" John Berry

6. "We Can Be Kind" Nancy LaMott

(all of the above titles available on iTunes)

Good Listening.

I went to Michael's last night, despite the forecast of freezing rain. It turned out to be of no consequence at all, particularly since I drive like a 90-year-old woman in bad weather and there was scarcely a vehicle in sight.

I assembled a kitchen cart for him (I'm handy and love projects like this-- he isn't handy and hates them). It took all of 30 minutes, and as I worked, he brought me coffee and my cigarettes, asked if I needed anything, and made me feel so appreciated. I never really had that sense with my ex. He was always impressed when the job was done (with a few criticisms, of course), but didn't seem to value my efforts.

Then we cuddled, watched tv, and talked. And made out. Okay, mostly made out. But he is such an insightful person. I mean, he's a clinical professional counselor, so he knows how to listen and process. I was talking about the frustration with my job and how unfulfilled and unappreciated I feel with my work. I'm a Youth Services Coordinator for a suburban public library. (That's a picture of my turf there.) I left teaching (music, grades K through 5) after 14 years because I was feeling burned out and needed a change. I had my Master's in library science and had been a librarian prior to teaching; however, I had never worked as a children's librarian, and it is far better than working the (yawn) adult side. And the library where I work is the same one I worked at as a part-time clerk all during college, so it was like coming home when they hired me. Some feel I am being groomed as the next library director-- although that's probably 10 or more years down the road, in my estimation.

Michael listened as I voiced my frustrations and concerns, my feeling that I always felt destined for something much greater. How I had dreamed of being rich and famous many years ago and how I now realized that no one was going to come knocking on my door looking to discover me.

His responses were simple and direct.

"You can be discovered anytime, anywhere, so don't assume it will never happen."

"Regarding your present job, it is as fulfilling as you make it. If you want it to be a great job, be great at it."

"And as for being rich and famous, I already am. I'm rich because I have my health and a place to live and enough to eat. And I'm famous because I know that at any time of any day, there is one special someone thinking of me-- and I'm thinking of him."

Is he not the best???

Still So in Love.

Since my return from New York, I saw Michael only twice: last Sunday and then again last night. Sunday we cuddled on the couch and watched "Desperate Housewives," "Brothers & Sisters," and "America's Most Smartest Model." (I know-- "most smartest" is a double-superlative and a big grammatical no-no. The sad thing is that many, many people probably don't get the joke.)

Last night I slept over at Michael's (no sex until the 6 month mark, remember that). We watched a couple Christmas movies and went to bed, joined by his two large dogs, a black lab/Rottweiler mix and a pit bull (the picures are not his actual dogs, but look a lot like them). There was also an electric blanket on. At 4:00 a.m. I had to remove myself from the bed and go to the couch. The heat of the blanket, the dogs, and Michael was just too much! And I'm not a wearer of pj's, so you know it had to be really hot! At 6:00 a.m. Michael discovered that I was missing and came and got me-- he felt so badly for me. he turned off the blanket and distracted the dogs long enough for us to run into bed and into a nice embrace. Eventually they invaded again, of course, but we wouldn't let them in between us. I was so relieved when he suggested that, in the future, he'll keep the dogs gated in the kitchen. This way I didn't have to sound anti-dog by requesting that they not sleep with us.

Meanwhile, Michael has asked for my ring size. I was obviously thrown by the question, and he said I shouldn't be so curious about it-- he just wanted to know. Now, is it planning to give me jewelry for our first Christmas? I'd be delighted, and we both know that we are together for the long-term... but it just seemed so soon. (And, no, he wasn't referring to a cock-ring-- I asked just to clarify.)

Breathe, relax, take it slow, let it happen...

Learning From My Mistakes.

So, last night was the big Disco Ball at Hydrate. I was so excited for my friends AnnieGrace and Stephen to meet Michael, a.k.a. my boyfriend. Michael was bringing his friend Jackie, and they were to arrive around 8:30. I got there around 8:00 and enjoyed silliness with Stephen, Eric and the ever-hilarious and charming Philip. AnnieGrace soon appeared, and I was getting nervous but also thinking, "Michael is so adorable... they will all be green with envy!"

Then my cell phone rang. it was Michael with bad news. His Jeep Wrangler convertible plastic window was broken (this had happened a few days earlier, so I was aware of it), and he was not comfortable leaving his car on the street in Boystown with the driver's side window missing. And Jackie doesn't have a car. I offered to go pick them up, but he said no, that he was trying to reach Jackie to tell her it was off. Then he asked if I would still come over to his place when I was done at Hydrate. Which, of course I would, but I was so disappointed. AnnieGrace and Stephen wisely wondered why he couldn't just take a cab. Which would make sense, right?

Anyway, after speculating on whether a pair of cute guys across the bar who looked alike were twins (they were- I asked them), I took my leave and headed to Michael's. He was all over me, was so thrilled I was there, and we had a lovely time. I spent the night. (No sex, remember... not for six months.)

Then tonight we had been invited to my dear friend Jackie's home out here in the 'burbs for cocktails and munchies, so she and a few friends could meet Michael. I've pretty much let everyone know that he is the one I plan on seeing for a long time. I checked in with Michael mid-day and we confirmed that he'd be at my place around 7.

He called at about 5:30 to tell me he couldn't come. We'd have to do it another time, because he couldn't make the drive all the way out here without a window. It was very cold, after all. Then he asked if I was angry, and I said, "To be quite honest, yes, I am angry. I have friends who I now have to explain to, who are looking forward to meeting you." He responded that he would come and he'd be here at 7 as agreed. He said he wanted to simplify my life, not complicate it. I apologized a bit, saying I hope I didn't sound like a jerk but that at this late hour it would be rude, etc.

While waiting for Michael, I called AnnieGrace to get her take, and she said I was okay to express my honest feelings, particularly given the last-minute-ness of it all. She gently reminded me that it would be a good thing to be appreciative once he arrived. I just got a bad feeling that he didn't want to meet my friends. Maybe he had social anxiety disorder, or something.

And when he arrived, frozen like a popsicle, I felt awful. We did go to Jackie's, and everyone loved Michael, and he them, and all was good. And when he and I ended up back at my place to say goodnight, he reminded me that there's no rush. There will be plenty of time for him to meet my friends, and for me to meet his. And I just need to be patient. "I'm not going anywhere," he said.

So it wasn't that he didn't want to meet my friends. And he was delightfully social and funny and intelligent, and won everyone over (including me, again and still). It was simply that he didn't feel the need to meet them all so quickly, and (my interpretation, not his) I was a little eager to show him off, both last night and tonight.

So I've learned that I need to continue to hoard him and let him hoard me, and get to really know one another, and learn all those interesting details about each other's lives, and eventually the friends and family will fit into the equation. And they will all love him.

Heavy sigh of relief. And my mantra continues: "breathe, relax, take it slow, let it happen..."

The "B" Word.

So, after leaving my sister's, where I enjoyed a lovely Thanksgiving dinner and games and lots of laughter and reminiscing, I headed to Michaels' place. He had called and reminded me that he had to work Friday, which meant he had to get up early. We had discussed my spending the night, but I got the distinct impression he really didn't want me to. So I told him I would come, and we would play it by ear.

In the car, I started thinking that I would definitely not spend the night. Then I worried that maybe he didn't want me there at all. But I really wanted to be with him, even if only for a couple hours. Once I got there, it was great; he did want me there, and even said he wanted me to stay. But I put practicality first, deciding he needed to sleep and I would rather not be driving back home during morning rush-hour. So we just enjoyed a few hours of bliss together. We re-connected, talked openly and honestly about our feelings, and then he said, "Can I ask you something?" I gulped. "Can we say we're officially dating?" I was delighted and relieved. "Of course! Yes, of course we can!"

"Because I really want to call you my boyfriend." Boyfriend. Oh, it had such a beautiful ring to it. We were on the same page. Then he whispered, "I am looking forward to falling in love with you." This is good. This puts it in perspective. I'm infatuated with him; I'm not in love. I'm deeply in "like." The idea of looking forward to falling in love made it even more wonderful, as I thought I already was falling in love. But that really hasn't happened yet, so I can continue to enjoy it all, taking it in, letting it happen.

So tonight's the big "Disco Ball" at Hydrate for Season of Concern. And I'll be there-- with Stephen, and AnnieGrace, and Michael. And tomorrow night, some friends are having Michael and me over for drinks, in order to meet Michael. My boyfriend.

Family, Turkey Day, and Other Good Stuff

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

It begins with Wednesday-- I always have the day off, and I start with a visit to Starbuck's for a gingerbread latte. I then commence with making my pies, which have become the family's expectation every year. I make an apple-cranberry, a pumpkin, and a pecan. The evening will be spent relaxing, possibly watching Miracle on 34th Street (the original, in black and white).

Thursday begins with a hot cup of coffee and the Macy's Parade. Then I get dressed and head to wherever we're celebrating; this year it's my sister's. I enjoy the gathering, the visiting, the food and preparation thereof. After we eat, we draw names for Christmas gifts.

Then the pie. Then coffee. Then home. Although this year I'll be driving into the city to see my boyfriend for the evening.

Speaking of which, I emailed my sister about my new infatuation. I had to tell someone in the family, and I wanted her to be aware, should I not be able to focus on Thanksgiving. And I told her not to share it with Mom, who would not like that I am once again giving my sexual "lifestyle" an identity. I mean, I'll tell her eventually-- just not yet. My sister was surprised. She emailed me.

"Well that is good news, and of course I'm happy for you. Why wouldn't I be? Love is a many splendored thing. Love is never having to say you're sorry. Love makes the world go round. Wait, no, that's money. But Love is patient and kind, is not jealous, and does not boast. Love is where your heart is. Wait, no, that's home. But Love stinks (per the J. Geils Band circa 1977). Wait, no, he said that but I think he'd recently gotten burned by his woman.

Well I am happy, not so much for the love and stuff as just the companionship and having someone to experience things with. I like the thought of you having companionship, don't like the thought of you being alone. Why do you not think Mom will take it as good news? For heavens' sake this guy's a doctor! (ha!) Seriously, why would it not be good news to her? Don't worry, I won't say anything. But while she may not love the life style you have, I would think it would make her feel good to know that you have someone else in your life. But then, I don't always know her as well as I think I do.

However, you must FOCUS on the holiday. You must not burn the pie crust. You must not forget ingredients. And on Thanksgiving day, you must remember the pilgrims, honor the cranberry, and praise the stuffing!"

This is why Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. And why I am so glad my sister understands me.

Oh. My. God. Part 2

Okay, so we've had date two. He cooked me dinner. We watched a rerun of Pretty Woman on tbs (a good thing... all those commercial breaks, doncha know). We cuddled. We smooched. We talked. We dreamed. His dogs seem to like to me. His real name is Michael Joseph, but because there are so many Michaels where he works, he chose to go by Joseph, and everyone now just calls him Joey. But he wanted me to be different. He asked me to call him Michael. That will take some getting used to. I mean, I already programmed "Joey" into my cell phone. But Michael will do just fine.

More about him... he is a clinical psychologist. His mother is Cuban-Italian and his father was from Spain. He is 5'6, 145 pounds, with short dark hair and a perpetual three-day facial hair scruffy stubble that is irresistable. He wears cute little glasses most of the time. And dimples like you wouldn't believe.

We both seem to be on the same page. That is, enamored of one another. Seriously, is it too soon to think I'm in love? Is it just infatuation? He's all I think about. I can hardly sleep. Or eat. Or concentrate. It just feels like the "ONE." And we've talked about it, and he feels the same way.

Mmmmmmmm.....

Oh. My. God.

Okay, I'm a helpless romantic at heart. And since my relationship of 16+ years ended nearly three years ago (it was kinda over before that, but that's when the breakup became official), I've been dating. A lot. And it ain't pretty. I've done Match.com, Yahoo Personals, Gay.com (for those "I'll never see you again so let's get fuckin'" sort of dates), and finally, Chemistry.com. Now my friend Elizabeth met her boyfriend (and now husband) Arturo through Match.com, so I have seen it can work. But, Lord, the dates I had... many scary ones, lots of no-personality types, scads of guys who didn't resemble their picture in the least.

I'm not a bar person-- never have been-- and the bars seem to be overpopulated with twinks who work out 5x a week and say they're versatile when they're not. I also think alcohol can have such a strong effect on many things-- our perceptions, our self-image, our lack of control-- I just try to avoid it. Having a (recovered) alcoholic father has colored my opinion, too.

So, cut to last night. His name is Joey. We met via Chemistry.com. He had no photo posted, but I really liked everything else in his profile, so I asked for a picture. He emailed me one. A-dorable! We talked on the phone... for hours-- which is something since I absolutely hate talking on the phone. It became clear to both of us that we had to meet.

And meet we did. Last night. He invited me to come to his place for a late dinner and more conversation. We've established sensible boundaries for sex-- meaning that we both want to wait until we know each other and are comfortable with it. So I was only too happy to drive into the city (Logan Square neighborhood) and go to his place.

I think it was love at first sight for both of us. It was a magical night. Could it be? I haven't felt like this in many a year... my tummy is doing flip-flops, I can't stop thinking about him, I can't wait to see him (which I'm doing tonight, by the way).

I think I need to go take a cold shower. To be continued, I guarantee....