Neglect.

Oh, it's been a crazy summer.

I've been quite lax about the blog, failing to keep all my tens of faithful readers updated on my life. So, here is a little about what I've been up to.

My big project at work has been the creation of a dvd that will train librarians and library workers in how to use drama to get kids interested in books. The project was funded by a grant from the Illinois State Library using federal monies from the Library & Museum Association. Total cost: about $65,000. The film is professionally filmed and edited by my friend Anthony, who has his own production company. I am so excited for this project to be completed-- which should be any day now.

On the relationship front, I am not doing any dating and enjoying it. I did have a lovely afternoon with a fellow I met through Stephen's blog. We had a nice dinner, then went to see the Broadway in Chicago concert at the Petrillo Bandshell at Grant Park. Afterwards, a cocktail. He's a doll of a guy, and I was delighted to have made a new friend.

I attended a 6-week workshop for gay men called "Dating & Mating." My therapist moderated the workshop, and the focus was on determining what we are looking for in a relationship, what our realistic expectations for dating should be, and where to find the kind of men we'd like to date. It was really fun, interesting, and teeming with opportunities for making friends. This is important for me, as I have few gay friends. After living a rather insular existence for 16+ years with Jim, I am finding that I have to reinvent my social circle and create new experiences. I made one friend through this workshop who I really like-- his name is John, and he is 61 years old. You'd never know it, since he takes great care of himself and has a great youthful energy about him. He had been in a 25-year relationship which ended similarly to mine, so we have a lot in common. John is a sweetheart of a guy... I wish he were 20 years younger!

Then there was my 25th High School reunion. What a blast! I was thrilled to see some 80 people with whom I'd had no contact in all these 25 years. I felt great that I looked really good compared to most of the guys. Several of the girls told me I grew up to look "really hot." Great ego-booster, I must say! No one recognized me-- they all had to look at my nametag to realize who I was. That was the case with most of the guys; facial hair, weight, and hair loss can profoundly affect the appearance. The evening was great fun.

That's about all I have to report right now. Not terribly exciting, but busy.

Don't I Know It!

Have a great weekend!

Falling Out of Love.

If you read my ‘Nuff Said Thursday post, you got a bombshell. And if you read about the BF’s sudden disappearance to the Sunshine State, you have some of the background of why I’m ending the relationship.

This past Friday, there was a phone message from him asking for money, as his length of time in Florida apparently precluded his getting paid (funny how that works, huh?). He left a message, asking for the favor of depositing money, with his account number, and promised a call later that evening (Friday). I went ahead and did the favor-- it wasn't a lot of money, and we've certainly loaned each other cash before-- no biggie. But that night, no call came.

So I called him Saturday morning, and questioned the fact that he hadn’t called as promised on Friday night. His response? “Yeah, well… whatever.” This is the way he thanks me for lending him money? Not a lot, mind you, but it’s the principle. I was on my way to work when I called, so I couldn't really talk, and that "whatever" comment really pissed me off, but he promised to call Saturday night and catch me up on everything (bearing in mind, he’s still in Florida and it’s been two weeks now, and he’s supposed to be coming home Sunday night). No call came on Saturday.

Sunday I was busy all day with errands and projects, but I did receive two voice mails from him. The first stated that he was, in fact, coming home that night as scheduled, despite the fact that yet another one of his aunts died. The second voice mail said he would be arriving the evening, and his mother-- his mother!!!-- was coming with him, and that he’d call later that evening. Needless to say, no call came.

In fact, no call came until Monday late—about 12:30 a.m. (actually Tuesday). The message was simple, “I just got up… call me.”

Was he home? Did his mother come with him? Where was she staying? How long would she be here? Why in anyone’s right mind would they come up from Florida to Chicago in the midst of the worst winter we’ve had in years? Why was it up to me to call him? And why was I being put at the bottom of his priority list? These questions still remain unanswered, as he has not left any messages. He calls, but doesn’t leave messages. I called his cell phone Thursday morning, and it rang and rang, finally going to voice mail. I chose not to leave a message.

He probably still has no idea it’s over. Or, he suspects it’s over and is trying to avoid having to hear it.

In my next post: “What have you learned, Dorothy?” and “Fine-tuning my preferences.”

We've Gone to the Dogs.

Saturday night was the fateful night when my Boyfriend and I decided to introduce his two dogs (a 1 1/2 year old pit bull and an 8 month old black lab mix) to my dog (a nearly 12-year-old Westie). Boyfriend and I met at his place and loaded his dogs and one of their (collapsible) kennels in my car (his car isn't big enough) and the other kennel in his car.

We met at a park just down the street from my house, and I went home to get Bailey. When all three dogs first met, it was a little rough. Gideon, the lab, thought perhaps Bailey was a chew toy. Poser, the pit bull, was only mildly interested, and Bailey wanted nothing to do with either of them. Just then Boyfriend realized he'd left the kennel-- th one thing that he was supposed to bring-- leaning against the fence by his garage. We decided he would go back home with Gideon and get the kennel, while I would let Poser and Bailey get to know each other. Which they did, and they were both pretty cool with the whole thing.

About 80 minutes later, Boyfriend and Gideon returned. It was a blessing that Gideon had done so much time in the car; his tummy doesn't travel well, so he was pretty tuckered out and relatively sedate. We let the three dogs hang out for a bit and sniff around. Mostly the younger dogs wanted to play and Bailey, like a crabby old man who dislikes children, grumbled for them to leave him be. And they respected him, even cowered. Ever the alpha male, that's my Bailey.

So we put all three in the guest room in their kennels, side-by-side, for the night. This way they could smell and see each other, but remain in their safe cocoons. The next morning was still a little tentative, but they were all much more at ease. We crated them again for a bit while we went to brunch, and when we returned it was better still. Since Boyfriend didn't have to work today, he and the boys stayed again last night and we did the same routine. All is well.

What a relief to have that hurdle crossed. It will get easier when the families are blended, and we've laid a good foundation and done it cautiously.

Okay, So Here's the Latest.

My boyfriend and I continue to be madly in love. It's been nearly two months since our first meeting, and we talk for at least an hour every night before bed. We typically see each other on weekends, although he came over last night (Thursday) for a little visit.

We got to talking about my ex, whom he has met. He asked, "May I pry? Why did you break up with him again?" I reminded him of the reason-- that the ex had met someone else (online, long-distance, whom he had never met face-to-face) and fallen in love. I took that as my cue to end what was already a sad relationship. Ex and I had not been intimate for quite sometime, and we had fallen out of love.

This panicked the Boyfriend, who immediately became concerned that our "no sex for six months" rule would take its toll on me and cause the end of the relationship. I calmed his fears as best I could, reminding him that I wanted to honor the decision we had made. Well, we ended up getting extremely intimate, and exploring some new activities while not actually experiencing the "big event." I told him that I didn't want him to compromise his ideals, that I was willing to wait until May. I assured him that I wasn't going anywhere, and that the intimacy and affection we share is already so far beyond what I have ever enjoyed with anyone else (especially the ex) that I have no qualms about waiting for sex (or "making love," as he insists it will be called).

It was really heartfelt and open, and I am so loving that we are letting it unfold. I have a feeling it won't be six months before we actually consummate the relationship, and that it will happen when it feels right for both of us. Meantime, it's so great to discover each other's bodies, features, skin, lips, hair a little at a time. It's like unwrapping a present when you already know what's inside. Like, "I know it's a sweater, but what color? What is it made of? I hate to tear this beautiful paper, so I'm going to take my time. I can wear the sweater and enjoy it as much as I want after I see it, but I only get to open it for the first time once. I want it to last."

Take it slow, breathe, relax, let it happen...

Learning From My Mistakes.

So, last night was the big Disco Ball at Hydrate. I was so excited for my friends AnnieGrace and Stephen to meet Michael, a.k.a. my boyfriend. Michael was bringing his friend Jackie, and they were to arrive around 8:30. I got there around 8:00 and enjoyed silliness with Stephen, Eric and the ever-hilarious and charming Philip. AnnieGrace soon appeared, and I was getting nervous but also thinking, "Michael is so adorable... they will all be green with envy!"

Then my cell phone rang. it was Michael with bad news. His Jeep Wrangler convertible plastic window was broken (this had happened a few days earlier, so I was aware of it), and he was not comfortable leaving his car on the street in Boystown with the driver's side window missing. And Jackie doesn't have a car. I offered to go pick them up, but he said no, that he was trying to reach Jackie to tell her it was off. Then he asked if I would still come over to his place when I was done at Hydrate. Which, of course I would, but I was so disappointed. AnnieGrace and Stephen wisely wondered why he couldn't just take a cab. Which would make sense, right?

Anyway, after speculating on whether a pair of cute guys across the bar who looked alike were twins (they were- I asked them), I took my leave and headed to Michael's. He was all over me, was so thrilled I was there, and we had a lovely time. I spent the night. (No sex, remember... not for six months.)

Then tonight we had been invited to my dear friend Jackie's home out here in the 'burbs for cocktails and munchies, so she and a few friends could meet Michael. I've pretty much let everyone know that he is the one I plan on seeing for a long time. I checked in with Michael mid-day and we confirmed that he'd be at my place around 7.

He called at about 5:30 to tell me he couldn't come. We'd have to do it another time, because he couldn't make the drive all the way out here without a window. It was very cold, after all. Then he asked if I was angry, and I said, "To be quite honest, yes, I am angry. I have friends who I now have to explain to, who are looking forward to meeting you." He responded that he would come and he'd be here at 7 as agreed. He said he wanted to simplify my life, not complicate it. I apologized a bit, saying I hope I didn't sound like a jerk but that at this late hour it would be rude, etc.

While waiting for Michael, I called AnnieGrace to get her take, and she said I was okay to express my honest feelings, particularly given the last-minute-ness of it all. She gently reminded me that it would be a good thing to be appreciative once he arrived. I just got a bad feeling that he didn't want to meet my friends. Maybe he had social anxiety disorder, or something.

And when he arrived, frozen like a popsicle, I felt awful. We did go to Jackie's, and everyone loved Michael, and he them, and all was good. And when he and I ended up back at my place to say goodnight, he reminded me that there's no rush. There will be plenty of time for him to meet my friends, and for me to meet his. And I just need to be patient. "I'm not going anywhere," he said.

So it wasn't that he didn't want to meet my friends. And he was delightfully social and funny and intelligent, and won everyone over (including me, again and still). It was simply that he didn't feel the need to meet them all so quickly, and (my interpretation, not his) I was a little eager to show him off, both last night and tonight.

So I've learned that I need to continue to hoard him and let him hoard me, and get to really know one another, and learn all those interesting details about each other's lives, and eventually the friends and family will fit into the equation. And they will all love him.

Heavy sigh of relief. And my mantra continues: "breathe, relax, take it slow, let it happen..."

Oh. My. God. Part 2

Okay, so we've had date two. He cooked me dinner. We watched a rerun of Pretty Woman on tbs (a good thing... all those commercial breaks, doncha know). We cuddled. We smooched. We talked. We dreamed. His dogs seem to like to me. His real name is Michael Joseph, but because there are so many Michaels where he works, he chose to go by Joseph, and everyone now just calls him Joey. But he wanted me to be different. He asked me to call him Michael. That will take some getting used to. I mean, I already programmed "Joey" into my cell phone. But Michael will do just fine.

More about him... he is a clinical psychologist. His mother is Cuban-Italian and his father was from Spain. He is 5'6, 145 pounds, with short dark hair and a perpetual three-day facial hair scruffy stubble that is irresistable. He wears cute little glasses most of the time. And dimples like you wouldn't believe.

We both seem to be on the same page. That is, enamored of one another. Seriously, is it too soon to think I'm in love? Is it just infatuation? He's all I think about. I can hardly sleep. Or eat. Or concentrate. It just feels like the "ONE." And we've talked about it, and he feels the same way.

Mmmmmmmm.....