Yes, We Can.

Although I didn't publicize it, I was on a self-imposed "blogging strike" until this moment. I wanted to blog about my trip to Europe that happened in September, about the completion of the DVD I created for work, about appearing in a short horror film, and about performing at Davenport's Piano Bar & Cabaret in Chicago. But none of that seemed as important as what I was reading in other blogs-- the critical state of the economy, the inane war in Iraq, and the upcoming presidential election.

I just watched the 16-minute speech given by Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States. I bawled like a baby, starting with his inclusion of the phrase "gay and straight," and continuing right through to his rallying cry of "yes, we can." I was literally sobbing at the end, as Joe Biden and his family joined Obama's family on the stage, holding hands and celebrating. The shots of the audience were inspiring, particularly a gay couple in an embrace, one of them in joyous tears.

The pendulum has begun to swing the other way.

The right way.

The only way.

It's time to put it all into perspective. Life, citizenship, action, equality, responsibility, democracy.

Stay tuned.

My boyfriends and I.

I was inspired to do this photo of myself with Adam Levine and George Eads, based on my TMI answer earlier today. Hmmm, Doug.... horny much? Bored much?

TMI Tuesday.

1. When was the last time someone hit on you? What went down?

April of this year. A guy decided we were in a relationship on our very first date. It felt more like a hook-up to me from the get-go, so I relented to going to bed with him. He started getting all cuddly and weird, talking in various foreign accents and referring to things that would be great to see in the future. I had to finally say, "I don't have sex on the first date. This was our first meeting. We had sex. Therefore, this was the last date." His response was, "Oh, so you got what you wanted, and that's it?" My reply? "No, I didn't really get what I wanted, and that's it." As to what went down? His self-esteem, my pride, and him. On me.

2. If you were single and could be with any one person, who would it be (thinking singer/actor or someone famous here, but whatever)?

George Eads from "CSI." He's my celebrity fantasy du jour. Or Adam Levine.

3. Have you ever had done anything sexual in your office or your place of employment?

Thankfully, no. Ewww. Such a turn-off.

4. Do you apologize when you make a mistake? How do you react when someone calls you out?

This question is kinda random, given this week's theme. Well, I prefer to be told in private rather than embarrassed in front of others. But if a mistake is corrected, it's a good thing, and of course I apologize. Unless I did it on purpose.

5. Top or bottom?

I used to think I was a top, but I've discovered fairly recently that I rather enjoy the bottom, too. So I am honestly versatile, with bottom proclivities. Though when asked, I will say. "I don't prefer top or bottom. I prefer 'next to.'"

Bonus (as in optional): How old were you when you first had a willing sexual experience?

Wow... without giving any details whatsoever... I was 14. And it was with a guy. My first and last time with a girl happened when I was 16.

Refrigerator Wisdom Wednesday.

An actual magnet on my fridge.

Hmmmmm... I disagree.

WHAT CAN IT BE?

The three following statements apply to the same things (or people).

What (or whom) did Kurt Vonnegut call "transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing?"

Hemingway and Chandler and Stephen King "wouldn't be seen dead in a ditch with one (though Truman Capote might)."

And what (or whom) has been called "girly," "odious," and "most pusillanimous, sissified, and utterly useless?"

Click here for the answer.

Who knew? I always liked them.

TMI Tuesday.

You find a fairy. With a wave of their wand they can change anything for you.

What is the one thing you would change about your body?

I would be slim and have a nice chest and arms. Really, this guy's body would do me fine. My cock size is fine, my face is okay, my teeth I could have done. But a good torso takes work, so bring on the fairy. The one with the wand. Um, the magic wand.

What is the one personality trait you would change?

I'd like to not have bi-polar tendencies. Depression I keep under control with meds, but the anger side is not quite so easy to manage. I would no longer be short-tempered. It doesn't come out too often, but when it does, it's ugly.

What is the one thing about your job you would change?

I'd have one that I am passionate about, making at least as much as I do now.

What is the one thing about your home you would change?

I'm okay with my home, although getting a magic-wand wave from a fairy, I guess I'd want a bigger place, perhaps closer to the city.

Or a place in San Diego. Paid for.

What is the one thing about your Significant Other you would change?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ... I would end up with a Significant Other. Probably the wand-waving fairy.

Who is the one person you would poof out of your life and why?

A woman at work who annoys me. I get along pretty well with people in general, so she's the only one who comes to mind. She's a passive-aggressive, small-minded beeyatch.

Who is the one person you would poof back in and why?

This is too selfish. Bringing someone back only means they would have to die all over again, and losing them once was enough. There's no one living that poofed out of my life-- I'm lucky that way.

Just Jeans Monday.

The Countdown Begins.

I fly to Dulles and then head to Heathrow in exactly 18 days. And in 21 days, I embark on my western European cruise. We have two nights in London prior to the cruise, during which time we'll do touristy, sight-seeing-type activities... Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, Parliament, etc. I also plan on eating some pub food... you know, bangers and mash and items of that ilk.

While cruising, we will have excursions in Paris (via Le Havre), Lisbon, Vigo, Malaga, Barcelona, Cannes, Tuscany, and ending in Rome.

My dad and his wife are extremely excited to be taking this trip; they email me every day. Sometimes they just send a message with the exact number of hours until the trip; other times they send handy little reminders ("Weigh your luggage at home to make sure it's under the 50-pound limit." "Bring a stapler in your suitcase to attach your luggage tags from the cruise line, because they aren't self-adhesive.")

I have never been overseas, so this will be a huge event for me.

TMI Tuesday.

Sheesh, has it been a week already?

1. What is your favorite song to have sex to?

One Gregorian chant or another. Because it's been that long.

No, I really don't have one... songs have so much meaning, memory and history for me that I would be distracted by music during sex. I would literally be playing an imaginary piano in my head (which I always do when I hear music). And it's hard to play piano with two hands while also putting your hands in two other places.

2. What is your vision of hell?

Being all alone, with no phone, and having really good gossip.

3. In the film made of your life, who will play you?

Someone once told me Jason Bateman. But I think Stephen Spinella would have more fun with the role. Actually, Mr. Spinella's getting up there in years, so perhaps he could play me in middle age and later.

4. What is the one thing you most urgently need to tell your mom?

That I'm not going to go to hell for being gay.

5. What will be carved onto your tombstone?

"What is your legacy?"

And the bonus: What is your drag name (which would be, first name: the name of your first pet; last name: the name of the street you grew up on)?

Now I heard that your soap opera character name is your middle name and the street you grew up on, and your drag (or porn) name is your first pet and your grandmother's maiden name. But going by this question, my drag name is "Sophie Ridgewood."

I prefer "Chloe Mydia."

TMI Tuesday.

1. What is your definition of romantic?

Inspiring intimacy, heightened senses, selfless acts of kindness and thoughtfulness; believing in fate and true love.

2. Would you consider yourself to be romantic?

Absolutely. To a fault. And by considering myself romantic, I mean I am a sucker for romance.

3. Is your significant other romantic?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...

I'm laughing because I don't have a significant other. And if I don't laugh, I'll cry. But when I someday do have a significant other, his being romantic is a prerequisite.

4. Have you ever chastised a SO for not being romantic enough or too romantic?

I don't understand this question. That "a SO" must be a typo. But either way, no one chastises me for shit like this. [Ed.-- I get it now. Have I ever chastised a "significant other" for etc. etc. No. Never chastised. Wished for more romance, yes. But chastised, no.]

5. What do you consider a grand romantic gesture? Have you ever been the recipient or giver of one?

A surprise trip to Paris. A candlelit sponge bath. A home-cooked candlelight dinner in the nude. Nope, never really gave or received any of these.

6. If you have done something romantic to get laid, did it work? If not, why and how did that affect your romantic tendencies in the past.

For me, that's not the purpose of doing something romantic, although it is often the bonus. But you do something romantic out of love and respect, with no ulterior motive in mind; otherwise, it's not real romance, it's seduction. That's a whole different TMI Tuesday topic.

7. What is the most romantic thing you have ever done? Had done for you?

Here's the sad thing... I can't think of an answer to either question. My longtime partner and I were not terribly romantic. I guess there were poignantly touching things we did, but they were so often more "gifty" than romantic. Wow... I guess I need some romance in a big way... before I become a bitter middle-aged queen.

Brazilian Saturday.

I don't know who he is. I'd like to.

Igor Rosa.

Rafael Lazzini.

Favorite Things Friday.

I haven't posted one of these in awhile, but I was sitting here whining to no one about my pinched nerve (slighty better today), and I decided to mention a website that I love.
It's called bluegobo.com, and it's a gay boy's dream come true.
It's a video archive of musical theatre clips, some from the Tony Awards, some from old Ed Sullivan shows, and all of them amazing. It's one of those websites where you must set aside large blocks of time before visiting, since you will get caught up in the magic and suddenly discover you've been sitting there for three hours.
The first show I saw on Broadway was "The Secret Garden," and here is a montage created and presented for the 1991 Tony Awards show, narrated by Julie Andrews. (I had trouble embedding the video, so here is a link instead.)

Secret Garden

Amazing. I just love reliving the glorious theatre moments of yesteryear, as well as moments I had the great fortune of seeing live on Broadway.
Enjoy!

TMI Tuesday.

I have a pinched nerve in my neck which is causing great pain. Ice, Motrin and Flexiril should help.

1. What is your language pet peeve. (example 'hot water heater', why would you heat hot water)

Well, I get annoyed when people mispronounce "nuclear" (nucular), "jewelry" (jewlery), "height" (heighth), and "drown" (dround). And there is no such word as "irregardless"-- it is a double-negative that renders itself pointless. But the one that really annoys me is when people say, "I could care less." They mean, of course, that they "couldn't care less." If they "could care less," then they really do care.

2. What is your favorite word? Both dirty and clean?

"Fuck." "Dream."

3. What is the one word you cannot spell?

Haven't met one yet.

4. What is the one word you always pronounce wrong?

I have a terrible time when I have to say the word "particularly." And I've had to say it in several plays.

5. If you could erase one popular catchphrase from the english language, what would it be?

Again, I could go on. I'll use George Carlin's. "Have a good one." Carlin's response? "I already have a good one-- what I want is a big one!"

Bonus (as in optional): The late, and very hot Michael Hutchence (INXS) once sang, "Words are weapons, sharper than knives" . What is the most hurtful thing you have ever said to anyone? Was it deliberate or accidental? What was the most hurtful thing ever said to you? Do you think it was deliberate or accidental?

I have been known to lose my temper and say a lot of hurtful things I regret later. The worst was, "I hate you." Yes, it was deliberate. I was called an asshole once by someone; that hurt. And yes, it was deliberate.

'Nuff Said Monday.

A retro edition today.

Jon-Erik Hexum, model and actor, who died far too young.

One of my first and most intense tv crushes.

My 25th Reunion.

Here are two pictures from my reunion. The first has me (foreground) looking at a bunch of other folks. Note my "vodka and water dirty with olives" in my hand as I prepare to face my past.

The second is the entire group that showed up. I am third from the left, in the back row.

What a grand time!

Neglect.

Oh, it's been a crazy summer.

I've been quite lax about the blog, failing to keep all my tens of faithful readers updated on my life. So, here is a little about what I've been up to.

My big project at work has been the creation of a dvd that will train librarians and library workers in how to use drama to get kids interested in books. The project was funded by a grant from the Illinois State Library using federal monies from the Library & Museum Association. Total cost: about $65,000. The film is professionally filmed and edited by my friend Anthony, who has his own production company. I am so excited for this project to be completed-- which should be any day now.

On the relationship front, I am not doing any dating and enjoying it. I did have a lovely afternoon with a fellow I met through Stephen's blog. We had a nice dinner, then went to see the Broadway in Chicago concert at the Petrillo Bandshell at Grant Park. Afterwards, a cocktail. He's a doll of a guy, and I was delighted to have made a new friend.

I attended a 6-week workshop for gay men called "Dating & Mating." My therapist moderated the workshop, and the focus was on determining what we are looking for in a relationship, what our realistic expectations for dating should be, and where to find the kind of men we'd like to date. It was really fun, interesting, and teeming with opportunities for making friends. This is important for me, as I have few gay friends. After living a rather insular existence for 16+ years with Jim, I am finding that I have to reinvent my social circle and create new experiences. I made one friend through this workshop who I really like-- his name is John, and he is 61 years old. You'd never know it, since he takes great care of himself and has a great youthful energy about him. He had been in a 25-year relationship which ended similarly to mine, so we have a lot in common. John is a sweetheart of a guy... I wish he were 20 years younger!

Then there was my 25th High School reunion. What a blast! I was thrilled to see some 80 people with whom I'd had no contact in all these 25 years. I felt great that I looked really good compared to most of the guys. Several of the girls told me I grew up to look "really hot." Great ego-booster, I must say! No one recognized me-- they all had to look at my nametag to realize who I was. That was the case with most of the guys; facial hair, weight, and hair loss can profoundly affect the appearance. The evening was great fun.

That's about all I have to report right now. Not terribly exciting, but busy.

Refrigerator Wisdom Wednesday.

An actual magnet on my refrigerator.

TMI Tuesday.

1. Do you believe anyone truly likes their job? If so, why?

I should hope lots of people like their job, although I think statistics show that about 75% or Americans hate their job. If you are doing what you love, and loving what you do, and making enough money for your needs and/or wants, that's the ultimate in job fulfillment.

2. Do you 1) live to work or 2) work to live 3) not see a difference?

I work to live, and I'm not happy about it. Self-actualization and success for me would be to achieve what is described in question one.

3. How many hours do you work a week?

40ish.

4. What was your safety item (i.e. blankie) from when you were little?

Biffy Bear. He was a Mattel product who talked when his string was pulled. He was eventually beheaded by my brothers. This was years before those same brothers put dog poop under my pillow.

5. Have you ever used food during sex?

Nah. I'm a Virgo, and food is messy. Ick.

Bonus (as in optional):What is your guilty food pleasure?

Little Debbie Nutty Bars. They're cheap, and horrible for me, and utterly magical.

'Nuff Said Monday.

Mario Lopez recreates the infamous Burt Reynolds Cosmo pose.

Favorite Things Friday.

I haven't done one of these kind of posts in awhile, but as I drove home from work today I was listening to one of my favorite artists and decided I should blog about him.

I really love the music of Jason Mraz. I first enjoyed his cd "Waiting for My Rocket to Come" a couple years back and since then have bought everything he has recorded. He did a cover of Seals & Crofts' "Summer Breeze" which appeared on the "Everwood" sountrack. There is a winsome Don McLean-esque sound to his voice at times. On other occasions he recalls a sort of belty showtune voice. No wonder... he has a big musical theatre background and is, by the way, a big Sondheim fan.

Which explains why lyrics are very important to him. He often sings about words, in a variety of contexts, and has been known to say that it's extremely important that his lyrics be heard and understood. More on him here. He's also really cute... like the skinny nerd who was part of your group in high school and always made you laugh.

If I were a dancer, I'd love to do a solo routine to "Make It Mine," the first track on his latest cd, "We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things."

Here is a video of the acoustic version of "Make It Mine." It's much better with the big ol' brass section, but this is nice, too.





I lerve it!

The Ultimate Swear.

When I was a kid, we used "swears" only in extreme circumstances. There was "damn," of course, and "shit" and the f-word, the "King of All Swears."

My nephew at the tender age of 4 once tattled that his brother had used the "d-word," which I later learned was "shut up." Anything naughty to him was "the d-word."

As an adult, I find that women are generally quite unnerved by the word "cunt." This seems fairly universal, especially if the word is spoken directly to a woman's face as an insult. It's far worse than looking at a man and calling him a prick. Not that I use the word, mind you-- at least not to a woman's face. I might shout it at someone on tv who is pissing me off, like a certain "Top Chef" contestant. However, my friend Annie from England once shared that across the pond, old male friends will often greet each other with, "How you doin', you silly cunt?"

Anyway, the c-word seems to be a pretty offensive one. Which is why this clip is brilliant! Thanks to Bill in Exile for bringing it to my attention.

'Nuff Said Thursday.

"Xanadu" star Cheyenne Jackson.

Refrigerator Wisdom Wednesday.

An actual magnet on my refrigerator.

TMI Tuesday.

What a weekend. I played and sang at a lovely memorial service for my dear friend Joan D, who passed away a couple weeks back after a (blessedly) brief battle with esophageal cancer. I also saw a show at Village Theatre Guild. Then there was the Tonys. Which had lots of musical performances, many of which I liked. I tend to be old-fashioned... maybe I'm getting old... but I did not enjoy "In the Heights" or "Passing Strange." I believe they both have merit and are great pieces, and I was inspired in particular by the story of how "In the Heights" came to be. I'm just soooo not into hip-hop or rap. And I won't even discuss "Xanadu" or "Cry Baby."

Last night was the annual awards night at my local theatre group. I was in charge of the production, which spoofed "Dancing With the Stars." It was cute and well-received. And now I can relax a bit.

On to the questions at hand...

1. What's your favorite color of lingerie?

If you're talking about women's unmentionables, I have no favorite color. Sorry, but a woman in her underwear does absolutely nothing for me.

If it's undies in general, and men are included, I guess black. Or white. Sheer white. Low-rise.

2. Do you have a porn collection?

I'm gay. Of course I do. Did Rose Kennedy have a black dress?

3. Do you have any fetishes?

I'm just going to leave it at yes, without going into any further detail.

4. What is your favorite place to have sex?

Well, a soft comfy bed works, but I'd love to try it in other places. I'd love to try it on a beach, in a swimming pool, outside in broad daylight. Really anywhere would be fun.

5. Do you like to scratch, bite, pull hair, etc? Do you like having it done to you?

This disgusts me. I absolutely hate having it done to me, and would never do it to anyone else. If others enjoy, more power to 'em.

Bonus (as in optional): Do you think the number of sexual partners you've had is below average, average, or above average, and how does that make you feel?

It's probably average, and I don't care. Any more than I care about the size of my dick or the amount of hair on my chest, or the amount of jizz I shoot. Really. It's pathetic that we spend so much time rating our sexual experiences based on comparison to those of other people. Who gives a shit?

But I do tend to shoot a lot of jizz. I mean, a LOT. I'm just sayin'. It is TMI Tuesday, after all.

My Flickr Mosaic!

Isn't this cool? The mosaic below represents photos I found on Flickr. I answered 12 questions about myself, and the answer for each question was then used as a Flickr search. I had to choose one image from the first page worth of results for each term. Then they were entered into a "mosaic maker."

This idea came to me via Stephen and Shirley Heezgay.

The questions:

1. What is your first name? Doug

2. What is your favorite food right now? Lasagna

3. What high school did you go to? Fenton

4. What is your favorite color? Orange

5. Who is your celebrity crush? Raoul Bova

6. What is your favorite drink? Diet Coke

7. What is your dream vacation? Hawaii

8. What is your favorite dessert? Crème brulee

9. What do you want to be when you grow up? Hot and sexy

10. What do you love most in life? Loved Ones

11. What is one word that describes you? Creative

12. What is your flickr name? dova

Here are the credits for the 12 photos in the mosaic.

1. Doug, 2. Lasagna, 3. carnival glass, 4. Welcome Home, 5. Raoul Bova, 6. PStarr - Buzzed on Vodka In a Discoish Helmet Pretend Drunk Driving a Clawfoot Tub With a Frying Pan Steering Wheel While 2 Eggs Collect Germs and Extra Toast Flies Out of an Unplugged Toaster Into The Breakfasty Steam, 7. memory of summer, 8. Crème Brulée, 9. You Sexy Thang, 10. Relaxing, 11. The Shape Of My Heart, 12. Dova 2-8-07 006

'Nuff Said Thursday.

Porn Star Tony Buff.

Refrigerator Wisdom Wednesday.

An actual magnet on my refrigerator.

TMI Tuesday.

Well, I haven't been very consistent about blogging lately, mostly because work is kinda busy right now. No excuse... blah blah blah...

So, here's my first TMI Tuesday in awhile...

1. If you're in love with your partner, does it make the sex better?

Well, it sure should, don't you think? I mean, you want it more, you value it more. Right?

2. What is the most expensive sex toy you've ever purchased?

A Fleshlight. It's a mouth one. I enjoy it. That's about as elaborate as my toys get.

3. If you knew ahead of time you would not have an orgasm, would you still have sex?

Absolutely. I have enjoyed the experience without an orgasm on many occasions. I'm a very sensual person, so making out and being intimate-- really intimate-- can rock my world.

4. What celebrity would you most like to have sex with if given the chance?

I guess Raoul Bova.

Or Eddie Cibrian.

I don't think about it very much.

Okay, I think about it sometimes.

Okay, always.

Okay, constantly.

The restraining orders are pretty much forever.

5. Have you ever had sex while an audience watched?

No, but if someone really wanted to watch, I wouldn't mind.

Bonus (as in optional): Describe the best sexual encounter you've ever had.

Oooh, a three-way with two really hot guys. One was Brazilian. The other was caucasian. Oh, the attention they paid. It was amazing. I could've done it over and over, all night...

Out & Proud Indeed.

So in honor of Gay Pride month, WTTW Channel 11 aired a documentary tonight called "Out & Proud in Chicago." It traced the history of the gay movement from the earliest days of the city through the present.

If you didn't see it, you must see when it's going to be aired in your area, or order the dvd. I subscribed to Channel 11, mostly because I wanted the dvd of this film-- sans pledge breaks. With my subscription I also get the coffee table book and the baseball cap. I can't explain why I felt so proud.

It might have been the fact that transgender diva extraordinaire Alexandra Billings was interviewed. And was wonderful.

It might have been the fact that the community was portrayed in such an honest, historically relevent way. And was inspiring.

Or it might just have been that I really felt empowered by the legacy left by the trailblazers.

Find this documentary. Watch it. Then do something gay.

Quiet Saturday Night.

So I've been refurbishing my bedroom furniture. I'm re-doing the dresser and armoire. I pulled off the old (1970's, Spanish-inspired) mouldings. Then I gave everything a coat of primer, then three coats of semi-gloss black paint. I'm upholstering the insets of the doors and some of the drawers with off-white vinyl and topping the whole thing off with lovely brushed-nickel hardware. I'm going for a sort of 40's Hollywood look. We'll see. When I'm done I'm going to build a new headboard with the same stylings. The walls are now painted a taupe-brown... a color called "Poker Face" by the paint manufacturer but which I call... "I Drink Your Chocolate Milkshake." That's it on the right. "Poker Face?" What the hell?

I stopped over at Facebook and cabaret artist extraordinaire Lee Lessack had posted this hilarious video. I love that someone has so much time on their hands. (Meaning the video creator, not Lee Lessack.)

This battle between Carol Channing and Liza Minelli is perfection.

Sheesh. I'm Famous.

I mentioned back in February about a reporter from the Wall Street Journal reading my blog and wanting to interview me for an article. She did interview me, that same day, and one day last week, or maybe two weeks ago, she sent me an online link to the article.

Well, here's the bit about me from the article:

Some people have come across dirt on their loved ones without even looking for it. John Smith, a 42-year-old librarian in Bensenville, Ill., recently turned to ZabaSearch to find his new boyfriend's address so that he could send him a card. Instead, he found out that the boyfriend had been lying about his age -- he was 43, not 35 as he had claimed to be on the dating site where Smith had met him. "I thought, 'You're a liar! You're older than I am!,' " Smith recalls. The relationship ended soon thereafter.

I've changed my name here to John Smith. The following will explain why.

My mom called me today and said, "If you're going to do something, please tell me before I hear about it from all over the country!" I had no idea what she was talking about. Apparently, my uncle in Phoenix (her brother) called her today after seeing the article-- and my name -- in a newspaper out there. This Wall Street Journal article has apparently been syndicated to lots of other papers. Feeling curious, my techno-savvy mom then Googled my name.

"Have you ever Googled yourself?" she asked.

"Not in a long time, no."

"Well you should. There's page after page! Most of it is references to this article... from Sioux Falls, to the Cayman Islands, to Kansas City! There's something about you in an AIDS walk. You're quoted about being gay somewhere else, too. What would the people at work say?"

"Ummm... they wouldn't care."

"They know?"

Apparently, she doesn't realize that I'm pretty much out to everyone. The most upsetting part to her, I think, is that every Google result mentioning this article shows my name, my age, where I work, what I do for a living, and my sexual orientation. This puts it out there in black-and-white, and in some way, outs her as well. Guilt by association.

To her, I say, "Meh." I mean, now she must have images of the kind of things I do with other men in her mind. She's imagining all sorts of things....

And most of them are probably dead-on.

So I called myself John Smith above because if she Googled me again, it would link to this blog. And this is one place I don't need my mom pokin' her nose.

What price fame?