Time to Catch Up.

Okay, I've been away faaaaaar too long. Besides frustrating computer issues at home (although I do have internet access now, my computer is running extremely slow), I've been overwhelmed with all kinds of extraneous diversions. Rather than do one endless post about them, I'll post individually on what's been going on in various facets of my life.

We'll start with the boyfriend...

We've reached the 3-month mark, and according to Stephen (whose expertise I respect and trust), the 3-month, 6-month, and 9-month points in that first year of a relationship tend to be characterized by events or situations which reveal a great deal to us about each other. Truer words were never spoken.

On January 31, Boyfriend disappeared. I spent a frantic 24 hours trying to call him, with no response. This is not like him in any way. Finally, the evening of February 1 my phone rang. He was calling from Florida! He had told me previously that his aunt was in a coma and was not expected to survive. Turns out his brother (who had a huge work project and could not get away until Tuesday) put Boyfriend on a Greyhound bus for Orlando. Why a bus? Because getting a flight out was near impossible, with the impending storm (which closed many schools and even the public library where I work). BF could not call me from the bus because he had inadvertently packed his phone in his suitcase and couldn't get to it. Even when the bus made a stop in Atlanta for a cleaning, the driver flatly refused to allow BF to get his luggage, as security restrictions forbid any luggage removal until the final destination is reached. Why couldn't BF just use a payphone? He doesn't know my number-- it's programmed into his phone. Damn modern conveniences!

So, he would be in Florida indefinitely (sort of waiting for the comatose aunt to die), and would call me daily. His entire family was there (his mother-- with whom he has a dreadful relationship-- and many aunts, uncles and cousins)... apparently this is a Latino thing. The family gathers, waits, worries, and eventually mourns together. There was a lot of healing for BF and his family, even Mom, who disowned him when he came out and who treats him like a black sheep. There were lots of long-held family secrets that were finally revealed, lots of hurt put to rest, and in the end, it was a really positive experience in many ways. The aunt died Saturday the 9th, the visitation and funeral were this week, and BF is due to return tomorrow... barring flight cancellations due to the next winter storm they are predicting.

So our first Valentine's Day was spent far apart, although he did call me first thing in the morning to whisper sweet nothings in my ear. And he had originally planned to return Wednesday night immediately after the funeral, but again the Latino way dictates that the family remain together for an appropriate period of post-funerial mourning. His leaving abruptly after the funeral would have offended his family and undone a lot of the positive things that had happened. I understand this.

My big issue from day one was why he didn't call me before getting on the bus? Well, he literally had 45 minutes to pack, ask a neighbor to take care of the dogs, gather his essential belongings, get picked up by his brother and taken to the Greyhound station. I told my therapist that if it were me, I would have called him immediately and left a message. My therapist reminded me that I was looking at this through the template of how it made me feel and how I would handle it if it were me, rather than through the template of how BF acts and reacts and deals with crisis. Good point. And it provides an opportunity for me to have a healthy dialog in the future about including one another in all matters communicative.

Next up... my health. (Oy.)